Am I that weak?

Someone once told me,I have to wait for the in my life to come find me.I have to wait for love,friendship,people to start caring for me again,to not be left aside,to feel full.

Why?

We can't make love come to us because people say it's hard to find.

It isn't true. Love can strike from 10 different corners of the world and you can't stop it,sometimes you don't want it. This isn't a story of love or friendship. I don't really know what it is.

Some time ago I thought my life was in place,I was in love,I was away from home... silly me. Well of course I fucked up,who doesn't do that? After it ended I thought,the only thing I truly want now is to get back what I lost.

That was a bad idea,since now I am stuck in a loveless relationship with the one that should have stayed the fuck away from me. Who wants that?

And then,I take a different path home,on my way I find my friends,fun,new people that in the future might mean something. 

Even though I'm sitting there,late at night,looking at a different face,you still call,get mad,ask me what I'm doing.

What's wrong with you? Who are you to say that I'm still your property?

"Get out of my life" ... I say and you remain silent. You didn't ask me anything,you fucked off and the next morning you woke me up to ask me when did I get home last night,what did I do with my friends,did I hook up?... And so,I hung up on you,fell asleep,now you're not calling.

I sit here and I'm asking myself: 

"Do I want the son of a bitch to call?" Hope not,'cause that would mean I'm weak and that's not something I'm prepared to confess.

So now I sit here,it's weird,so many thing I want to say,I'm out of words. 

I think for the first time in 3 years I like someone else and it's just so different it makes me feel weird.

"I'll be fine",of course,it's not like I can be fucked over even more than I've just been.