Am I that weak?

Someone once told me,I have to wait for the in my life to come find me.I have to wait for love,friendship,people to start caring for me again,to not be left aside,to feel full.

Why?

We can't make love come to us because people say it's hard to find.

It isn't true. Love can strike from 10 different corners of the world and you can't stop it,sometimes you don't want it. This isn't a story of love or friendship. I don't really know what it is.

Some time ago I thought my life was in place,I was in love,I was away from home... silly me. Well of course I fucked up,who doesn't do that? After it ended I thought,the only thing I truly want now is to get back what I lost.

That was a bad idea,since now I am stuck in a loveless relationship with the one that should have stayed the fuck away from me. Who wants that?

And then,I take a different path home,on my way I find my friends,fun,new people that in the future might mean something. 

Even though I'm sitting there,late at night,looking at a different face,you still call,get mad,ask me what I'm doing.

What's wrong with you? Who are you to say that I'm still your property?

"Get out of my life" ... I say and you remain silent. You didn't ask me anything,you fucked off and the next morning you woke me up to ask me when did I get home last night,what did I do with my friends,did I hook up?... And so,I hung up on you,fell asleep,now you're not calling.

I sit here and I'm asking myself: 

"Do I want the son of a bitch to call?" Hope not,'cause that would mean I'm weak and that's not something I'm prepared to confess.

So now I sit here,it's weird,so many thing I want to say,I'm out of words. 

I think for the first time in 3 years I like someone else and it's just so different it makes me feel weird.

"I'll be fine",of course,it's not like I can be fucked over even more than I've just been.

Minte moarta

Lumina - la capatul meu de drum,lumina ce tu mi-ai lasat. Aluneca in fata mea de parca ar vrea sa ma duc undeva.
Vrea sa imi spuna ca poate locul meu nu a fost de la bun inceput aici, Sunt atat de fraiera,alergand dupa aceeasi poveste de dragoste si intorcundu-ma in fecare seara in acelasi loc blestemat. Asculta,tu mai tii minte aventura noastra?
Povestea noastra ce pana de curand m-a lasat rece. Cand nimic nu ma oprea sa te iubesc,si totusi,mi-era greu si n-o faceam.
Timpul trece repede pe langa mine,dimneata a venit,lumina bate grav in fata mea si tu nu ma lasi sa dorm. Ma chemi. Imi ceri sa te sarut pentru ultima oara,mi-e greu sa te refuz,ma apropii de buzele tale si te intorci si pleci. A doua zi o luam de la capat. Ma amagesti cu vise,ma fac sa te cred,imi spui sa am grija de mine,ti-e frica,nu vrei sa ma pierzi si totusi cand iti cer sa ma alinti nu sunt nimic mai mult decat "Mady". Si-n camera noastra intra caldura de-afara,nu ma lasa sa dorm,peste patul nostru loveste lumina,nu pot sa plec acum,iti cer sa ma mai tii,imi spui ca trebuie sa plec. A doua zi,aceeasi poveste,acelasi sfarsit.
Si intrii tu copil peste mine,ma ravasesti din nou,imi pui pana prin par,imi pierd mintile,tu imi dai tot ce-mi doresc si nu imi ceri nimic in schimb,tu nu vrei sa te iubesc,nu vrei sa vin la tine sa iti fac pe plac,nu vrei sa ma amagesti si sa imi spui sa plec. Tu doar ma vrei pe mine.
 Vreau ca povestea mea sa se termine,vreau sa plec de aici,vreau o lume noua,un suflet nou... Voi oameni rai,imi rupeti cate o bucata din suflet in fiecare zi si va jucati,imi radeti in fata si aruncati cu pietre.
Tu,baiat, de ce nu pleci cu mine?